Just KG

Sometimes being me just takes a little getting used to.

2011-07-18T09:07:00.000-07:00

I've been thrown a curveball and I don't know how to hit it. It has put me into a funk that I can't quite define. It changes the way I look at everything, and how I react to everything. I wouldn't call this funk a depression, it is more about disinterest. I'm not interested in things that I used to be interested in, or maybe I've never been interested, and now I just don't care at all, and don't feel the need to fake interest in these things.

I can't be available for everything every time I'm asked. Just because I don't have plans, doesn't mean I'm at your beck and call. And sometimes no, just means, no. And "I don't want to" doesn't need to be followed by "because." I don't want to is enough of a reason.

I don't want to talk to you on the phone right now - because I'm too busy dealing with my own thoughts.
I don't want to engage you as a friend right now - because I don't like who I am right now, and a first impression of being aloof is a better option than what I could offer you.
I don't want to come to your party/game/lunch date/etc - because I don't want to compare myself to you and yours.
I don't want to talk about your life - because I don't want to talk about my job, my relationship, etc.
And then there is the real biggie.
I don't want to see you - because I don't like you, I haven't liked you. I thought I liked you, or someone implied that I would like you, but we have nothing in common, you drive me crazy and I just don't like you.

The excuses are valid, but hurtful to me and to you. I don't want to needs to become part of my life, and I need to embrace it before others will. I've never been a because I don't want to user, but it is something that I need to do.

Heart Walk

2010-06-04T07:27:00.000-07:00

It's short, and to the point

2009-02-05T21:03:00.000-08:00

Married women just don't get it.

I don't care if they are 30 or 70, married women don't get how difficult it is to be a single woman.

I get it, you were single once... you went to parties and were the only single one there...you struggled with meeting Mr. Right...............When you were 25.

I, like you, was once 25 and single. All my friends were single. Maybe we had boyfriends, but we weren't married. It was wonderful. It was fun.

At 26 and single, some of my friends were married, but it was still wonderful and fun.

However, if you were married or in a relationship before you were 31, you don't know what it is like to be single and 31. It isn't like what you experienced. You've never been close.

If you think it is so easy to meet someone and fall in love, find someone for me. I would love for you to find someone for me.

But don't pat me on the knee and ask me if I want to see a wedding magazine. Don't ask me if I've tried online dating. Don't suggest the best places to meet a man.

I'm not calling anyone out, so don't be offended, I'm just saying... unless you've been 31 and single, you don't have any idea how hard it is to be 31 and single.

And that's what I'm feeling today.

Double Dating

2009-01-26T19:46:00.000-08:00

I think there are serial speed daters in this town. As you know, I speed dated several months ago for charity. I had done it before and didn't like it. I did it in October strictly for the charity and to spend some time with my new volleyball friends. And, as it happened, I met someone.

It didn't work out.

So the guy that puts on the speed dating emailed me last week, and offered me free passes to tonight's event.

First of all, I have very few single girlfriends between the ages of 24-35. The first one I asked declined. Why do you suppose that was. Oh wait, maybe because she's:

a) still married
b) recently laid off
c) living with her parents.

Ok, forgiven.

My other first choice happens to be in CA for the week. Which would have been very interesting since one of the guys we both "dated" after the first speed dating event.

Oh, and that brings me to the point...

There were 3 guys there that were at the L&L event. Three... out of 8.

Jeremy... bachelor Number 2.

I'm sure he's a nice guy. He's just not for me.

Chris... I was going to put yes for him last time. Actually I did... but then one of my friends convinced me not to. So I put yest this time, we'll see what happens.

Mike... didn't put yes last time, didn't put yes this time.

So those 3, a bunch of no's and then one guy that I thought was nice, and my friend that went with me though was nice. However, 2 minutes after the bell rang, he was in the bar with a girl with naturally curly hair. Damn those girls with naturally curly hair.

So one more night of speed dating, and no matches this time. Someday, Someday.

I bruise like a peach...and 700 other little known facts about me.

2009-01-08T08:40:00.000-08:00

1. I was convinced last winter that I had leukemia or some other illness that causes bruising, my thighs looked like someone had taken a baseball bat to them. I then realized that it was from shoving the snow blower through the junk at the end of my driveway. Crisis averted.

2. I love Neil Diamond... ok, maybe all of these facts aren't little known, but still.

3. Sometimes I secretly wish a tree would fall on my house so I could get rid of it.

4. I have to write things down. If something needs to be done, I need to put it in a list, or I won't do it. I have a horrible memory.

5. I'm trying online dating again, though I hate the thought of it.

6. I hope the Lowry Ave Bridge never reopens, but if it does I hope they acquire my house to widen the road.

7. If I won the lottery, I could totally go on without working. Those people that say they would get bored are probably boring people. I would love to sleep in, meet my friends for lunch, and stay up late. I should be a socialite.

8. I really don't like cats.

9. I hate being wet, the worst part of my day is right after I get out of the shower, I can't get dried off fast enough. Being by a pool or the lake is different... I guess I hate being naked and wet.

10. If I wasn't concerned about bed sores and muscle atrophy, I could easily spend a weekend (alright, honestly a week) lying in bed watching nothing but Charmed, 90210, Laguna Beach, and The Hills, preferably on DVD so I don't have to fast forward through the commercials.

11. I'm not sure if I've ever been in love. At times in my life I've thought that I've been in love, but looking back, I'm not so sure I ever was.

12. I love ellipses...I use them all the time...

13. After I dropped my phone in the toilet at Metrodome, I never even considered not letting it dry out and using it again.

14. I think 24 is a stupid show.

15. Not Another Teen Movie is my favorite movie of all time.

16. My hair is my natural color, my teeth aren't.

17. Until I was 21 I never lived in a town that didn't start with B.

18. There are 683 more, but I can't remember them all right now... I will.

January 2nd Random Ponderings

2009-01-02T08:55:00.001-08:00

I have a lot to say today, so it's going in a hodgepodge.

I heart the Hometown Sweethearts. They are Madison's favorite cover band, and my favorite cover band. I spent New Year's Eve in Arkdale, Wisconsin with some friends in a sweet condo and listening to a great band. The guys are so nice, I wish they played more often, so I could see them more often.

I could get used to work weeks like this one. Two days on, two off, one on, two off? That's kind of perfect. I've gotten more done this morning before 11am than I would have in the last two days combined anyway. Seriously.

I'm a total Drama Queen. But not like you think. My life is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG. I get very excited when someone I know has drama in their life, and I want to know all the details. I'm not "causing drama" or "seeking out drama." I'm just a sucker for a nice dramatic tale, and I'm not getting the fix out of my own life.

I still think it screams desperation, but I got back online for dating. It was a super cheap deal for 3 months, so I'll give it the old college try (that isn't really applicable here, when I was in college the old college try was just talking to Ray and he'd go home with me. Not so difficult, of course I also thought that I would meet someone that I would marry and have babies with while I was in college, maybe I wasted too much time with Ray. Whatever.) ANYWAY... So I paid my $45 dollars and my first match was a guy I used to make out with in college. How's my luck so far. I fast tracked him, and told him that I don't want to date him, but I totally want to go out for drinks with him. Other than that, I've got one guy communicating with me, but my expectations are not high for that one. He won't like me once he meets me.

The Holiday Orphan

2008-12-25T11:24:00.000-08:00

I'm the youngest of three, and both of my brothers are married. Growing up, we always celebrated Christmas as a family on Christmas Eve, and then would go to my Grandma's or Aunt's for Christmas Day. Bringing new people into a family brings along their traditions, and we've now established celebrating Christmas early with our family. Being single, I've been told where to be and when to be there. And to be honest, I've always been ok with it.

I'm blessed with great friends who have included me in their family's celebrations. But this year has been very hard. Our family Christmas was cut short due to weather... I committed to my holiday plans late because I was expecting an invitation for either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day from Bachelor #1... in the past, I've had other friends who have appeared to be Holiday Orphans, and this year, I feel like I'm the only one.

The holidays are filled with emotion for all, stress, love, joy all flow from each of us. The weather, the economy and the breakup haven't helped my emotions this season. Yet, I haven't been able to cry about any of it. I even watched The Notebook last weekend hoping for that emotional release, and it never came. Last night, as I was getting ready to head to a friend's for a Christmas party, it came to a head, but since I was running late, I didn't let myself cry.

Being alone is never easy, but it is especially hard this time of year, I look forward to 2009, and though I'll still be alone, the date on the calendar brings hope.

Resolution Update

2008-12-22T08:03:00.001-08:00

Ok, so I already have an update to my New Year's Resolution that I started pre-New Years.

Due the dumping that occurred last week, I found myself to be the proud owner of 2 Vikings tickets for Sunday's game and no desire to go. I never wanted to go in the first place, but knew that Bachelor #1 would love it, so I was sacrificing...

I digress... I was trying to find someone to go with me for free, or to sell the tickets. I decided to ask GUY to go with me. He had to babysit, but his friend would buy the tickets.... I'm getting ahead of myself.

I asked him on Saturday via text. He called me and we talked and laughed as though we haven't been estranged for the last 11 months or so. But then at the end of I think our 3rd conversation that day, he told me he had to babysit.

He called me on Sunday and again talked and laughed and admitted that we had missed eachother. Then he told me he still couldn't get out of babysitting, but that he had someone that would by the tickets for about 1/3 of the cost.

After several back and forths, and while I was on the phone selling the tickets for face value to another friend I got a VM Message. He didn't have to babysit, never had to babysit, just didn't want to go to the game with me, but rather with his buddy that was trying to low-ball me on the tickets. He was coming clean.

I didn't call him back. I texted him and let him know that the tickets were gone, I still missed him, and that I hate liars. His response was simply.... "Coming Clean Sunday."

I'm so hurt. Why do people lie? Especially when he knew I was hurting because I had told him how I happened to have tickets for the game. Did he come clean to help his own conscience with no regards to my feelings? Or did he realize that he would get caught in the lie and then there would be no chance for a reconciliation?

Can I trust him to be my friend, or do I let the past 11 months show that we don't have a friendship anymore?

New Years Resolution: Communication

2008-12-19T20:50:00.000-08:00

Is it so hard to communicate?

I've had several friendships fail over lack of communication. I'm not free of blame, but of the two most recent ones, I've tried very hard to communicate with one of my estranged friends, and can't get him to communicate back. And the other one, I've just written her off.

Why are we willing to fight for some friendships and not for others? Is it a gender thing?

I'm not sure why the guy is upset with me. There could be any number of reasons, the main one being I kissed his friend. I honestly don't believe it was that, but others that I've talked to about it seem to think that it is. If you knew him, you wouldn't think that. But I really, really miss that friendship. I always, ALWAYS had fun with him. ALWAYS. And I could always be myself around him without having to censor anything, and he thought I was funny.

Now girl... I don't have any idea why she stopped being friends with me... but I don't seem to care. I was always on eggshells with her, and I wouldn't say our friendship was "fun." She could never have a fluffy conversation, it was always deep and trying to fix some issue in her life, in my life, in someone else's life. So maybe I don't care because I don't miss that part of our friendship. I have much better friends that I can have fun with, and be serious with.

Anyway, it has occured to me that other people have communication issues too, and it seems that there comes a time in everyone's life in which one must pare down their friends and only surround themselves with people that are truly good. People that build you up when your down, and lift you higher when you are up. People that only have your best interests at heart.

I have some people that I've drifted from, or I've upset, or that have upset me, and I'm going to take the time in this season of giving, and caring and resolutions, and decide if those people are worth it to me to continue the relationships... Several of them are important enough to me to try to make it work... I hope I'm important enough to them.

And if you have someone you have drifted from, or upset, or has upset you, get in touch, ask for or offer forgiveness. And vow to live your life in a way that will be best for you and others around you.

I think I liked fine better.

2008-12-19T09:56:00.000-08:00

"Fine?
Seven "fines" since we left the restaurant. Can I get another word?
Asshole! There's a word.
I think I liked fine better."

Perhaps fine is better, but is it good enough? This quote from Pretty Woman in context doesn't really explain what is going on with me, but for weeks I've been describing my relationship with Bachelor #1 as fine. He's fine, it's going fine, the sex is fine...so that's 3 fines, can I come up with 4 more fines?

1. He's fine.
2. It's going fine.
3. The sex is fine.

4. It's fine that we usually split the checks.
5. His friends are fine.
6. His family is fine.
7. He dumped me, but I'm fine?

Ok, 7 fines, can I get another word? ASSHOLE, there's a word.

So maybe everything wasn't fine...
1. He's kinda boring, and bit of a pussy and he has horrible posture.
2. I'm trying so hard to make this relationship fun, but all he wants to do is watch TV or go to chain restaurants.
3. The sex sucks. We're just starting this, it should be exciting...
4. He should have grabbed the check... I'd have have offered money, don't just stare at it and expect me to pay. I'm shit-poor too, it was his idea to go out for dinner, we could've eaten ravioli from a can and I would have been happy.
5. His friends are dorks, and pussies.
6. His family was great.
7. I should be fine, but for some reason, I still feel like I got punched in the gut.

I think I like ASSHOLE better, it describes him much better than fine.

The Blindsided Bitch

2008-12-17T21:37:00.000-08:00

If you read this, pass it on...

Girls are bitches. Deal with it.

We are judgmental. We judge your clothes, your friends, your house, your car. We want you to be better than us... wear better clothes, have better friends, own a better house, and drive a better car.

We try to be "friends" with our boyfriends. If your friends tease you, we will tease you. If we like you, we will tease you. We are not being rude, disrespectful, or bitchy, we are trying to fit in.

We don't communicate well. We will tell you that we will do anything... go to a Vikings game, watch sports on TV... watch ANYTHING you want on TV, just to please you... if you expect us to do it without complaint, you're dense. We hate it. We hate the Metrodome on Sundays in the winter, we hate SportsCenter, we hate Science Fiction.... we want to spend time with you, and will sacrifice, but we'll let you know it is a sacrifice. Deal with it.

We don't want to meet your family. We'll make the decision when it is time to meet the families, and it isn't when you are ready. Of course you think I'm great, I have boobs, and I'm talking to you on a regular basis. .. in that order. You think I'm great. And your family will think I'm great, because I'm talking to you on a regular basis, and I have boobs... in that order. NOT THE SAME! Your family will love me. I'm charming, I'm thoughtful, I'll bring gifts... I'm a woman, that's what I've been trained to do. Your family sees the charm and the gifts... you see the boobs, and the fact that I'm still talking to you. I'll introduce you to my family when I am convinced you aren't a douche bag... and not a moment sooner... it may take a while.

We don't want to meet your friends. You think I'm judgmental? Your friends are judgmental, and one of two things will happen... either they will see how awesome I am, and when you inevitably break up with me because I'm a bitch, I'm judgmental, I don't communicate... they won't see that. They just will see that I'm awesome, and think that you are douche bag when it ends, because unlike you, they want to be my friend. Or they will hit on me... because I have boobs, and they think they are better than you and therefore I should like them better.

We will "change" for you. We don't really need to change. You're a dude. You're not that bright. You can't see past our boobs. We'll change for a few days/weeks/months, we'll read Harry Potter, and then we'll go back to being our judgmental/bitchy selves, but by then you have full boob access, and it is a moot point.

We want you to be a better boyfriend then we are. Girls would be great boyfriends. We think of everything. We bring candles to a jacuzzi room in a hotel. We remember how you like your sandwiches made. We can find the best deals on flights, hotels, and car rentals... do the homework, find the deals, and be the better boyfriend.

We love burgers and pizza. If we go out to dinner and I order a burger or pizza, don't get a salad. It is uncomfortable for everyone. The server will give me the salad. I want my burger.

We love sex. We don't want you to know we love sex, because you love sex. But really, we love it. Try it... often. We'll give in. When I walk in the door after not seeing you for 2 or 3 days, (or hours) try having sex with me... I'll do it. We love sex.

We love it when you play with our boobs... before sex, during sex, after sex. We love it when you play with them when we are watching TV, or making breakfast, or brushing our teeth... a) it feels good, b) it might (will) get you sex. But not in public....in public they are MY boobs, in private, they are OUR boobs.

We love dirty talk. Dirty talk does not mean asking me if it feels ok. Dirty talk=dirty talk. Watch a porno, smack my ass, and tell me I'm a whore. It will work.

We do things you don't like... we smoke, we drink too much, we talk on the phone, we Facebook, we get our periods, we swear, we are judgmental, we are bitches. Deal with it. And talk to us about it. We will "change" for you. We'll stop smoking around you. We'll drink "less" around you. We'll change our cell phone plan. We'll change our Facebook status to "It's Complicated." We'll make plans with our girlfriends every 28 days. We'll say things like "bummer, shoot, and meanie" in your presence. We'll love everyone, (sure we will... you're brother is still gay, and your sister is still slutty, we just won't point it out every chance we get), and we'll be less bitchy.

We love nice gifts. If you don't pay for 2 fancy dinners, and instead make us dinner, you'll save $150. Do you know what you can buy at the Coach outlet for $150 bucks? Super boob access for months, plus, you've made us dinner, which will totally get you laid... how hard is it to make Pasta Alfredo? It's noodles and a jar of sauce.. BUCK UP!

We aren't that complex. We are a simple species. We want 5 things...
1. Pay for things more than we do. You may not make more than us, but you don't spend as much on make-up, hair-cuts, facials, mani/pedis, and other things to make us pretty... think about the Peacock.

2. Make sex about you thinking I'm sexy. It isn't about you. You'll get off... you always get off. I'll probably get you off later tonight if it doesn't work out the typical way. Just act like I'm the sexiest thing ever, and you're good.

3. Be a good boyfriend.. be romantic. Buy us flower once and a while. Plan ahead.

4. Call or Text me. I'm talking to my friends, my family and myself about every move you make. Don't make me doubt you.

5. Be honest. If you are having doubts, talk to me. Let's work it out, or come to an agreement. Don't dump me. Dumped girls are a nightmare. Make me dump you. I'm not that bright. Trick me into breaking up with you.

Peace. KG Out!

AAAHHH, Vacation

2008-11-17T09:41:00.000-08:00

I just got back from 8 days in Florida, and I remembered how much I love Marco Island. Sitting on the beach, swimming in the pool, people watching... it was so amazing. We saw the shuttle launch, granted we were across the state, but we saw the big fire ball in the sky, looked like a meteor going the wrong way.

Our last night there we got to the Tiki Bar, and there was the Captain. I had met the Captain a year-and-a-half earlier at the Tiki, and last year around this time we started talking. I guess we "dated" over the winter, as much as you can date someone from 1700 miles away, but when I got my job up here I knew it was over and I haven't really talked to him since. Anyway, he was sitting talking to Sandi when we walked up. It was a little awkward, and I'm certainly glad that I'm not with him anymore, but it was good to see him and know that he's doing well. Other than that, I had a drama free, relaxing week, and I so want to go back... tomorrow.

It was really nice to see Bachelor #1 last night when I got back. He's such a great guy. I can't wait to see him again this week.

Hello Nasty

2008-10-30T18:14:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, 10 years ago, a 20 year old girl got to see the Beastie Boys. Saturday night, we have a second date. How excited am I? Super excited. Free tickets, and a second date with B-Boys as well as a second date with Bachelor #1.

Yeah me.

Bachelor #2

2008-10-30T18:05:00.000-07:00

I met bachelor #2 at a bar for a drink after work. I maybe didn't need to finish my drink, he ordered a second one. I'm sure he is very nice, but really not my type. My ideal vacation is hitting the beach, he seemed to be a little beach shy. He's been a super hero for halloween 4 years in a row. Really not my type. I thought I was pretty clear at the end of the date, making my excuse for leaving obvious, but not hurtful. There was no hug or handshake at the end, just me bolting to my car to go meet my friend SLC for drinks and tacos in NE.

Apparently, I wasn't clear enough, he emailed me tonight and wants to get together again. What should I do? I'm not going to see him again, but should I ignore the email, or tell him that it isn't happening?

Oh the humanity.

Bachelor #1

2008-10-27T19:14:00.000-07:00

Just got home from speed date #1. I had a really good time. He was funny, charming, and paid for my beer. We had a lot in common, love of travel, sports and many other things. He really seemed like someone that I would like to see again, and hopefully I will. But we'll see how I feel after speed date #2 tomorrow night.

Serial Dater?

2008-10-26T17:40:00.000-07:00

My friend, the Serial Dater, is kind of my hero. She's been dating like crazy for as long as I've known her. I, on the other hand, haven't been on a date since the dude that wanted me to go townhome shopping on our second date, that was over 4 years ago, and I'm not kidding. In all fairness, I've dated two guys since then, but the relationships didn't exactly start out with a dinner and movie date, and since my luck with men sucks, I wasn't exactly wined and dined with those relationships(unless you consider chinese takeout wining and dining - guys, keep your shirts on.)

In any case, I'm taking a page from the Serial Dater handbook, and going out with two guys in two days next week. In fact, one on Monday and one on Tuesday. Both of them are from the Speed-dating charity event. I'm emailing with a third one, he might have to settle for lunch on Wednesday or Friday.

Help! I'm being held hostage.

2008-10-25T09:00:00.000-07:00

I closed on my house 4 years ago next week. I've finally been banished to my bedroom.

Right after I moved in, I found some mouse poop on the kitchen counter. I was devastated. I thought it meant I was unclean, that I was a dirty person. I realized, that 94 year old house just have mice. I had a couple of rodent visitors over the years, but nothing that was too terrible...

Until this year.

It started when a mouse died somewhere in my kitchen. I couldn't find it. It wasn't behind the stove, or under the fridge. It wasn't in the basement or under the sink. But it smelled... badly. I lost 7 pounds in 8 days because I couldn't eat at home. I bought activated charcoal to absorb the smell, and walked around the house with a surgical mask on sprayed with lavendar linen spray. I had Terminex come out hoping his well trained sniffer would find that guy and take care of it... he had allergies. He put down some more bait traps and went on his merry way.

Suddenly...

They are in the cupboard, and on the couch, in the laundry room, and on the dining room table... and they LOVE brown sugar.

This grown woman couldn't handle it. My parents came to help with the problem. I sprayed foam in cracks outside the house. My dad filled holes inside with steel wool, and my mom cleaned out the cupboards.

They're still here, and they are smart. I've caught 2 mice this fall. But there are a million more, I'm sure. I have my kitchen and living room lined with glue traps, and a snap trap or two down, and they somehow avoid the traps.

I haven't sat on my couch for a week and a half. I spend time away from hom or in my bedroom. I'm a prisoner in my own home.